How Therapy Works

What is psychotherapy?

How psychotherapy works

Visiting a psychotherapist can feel a little daunting, especially the first time. You will describe what has brought you to therapy and the emotional symptoms you are experiencing. Together we establish goals that you work on both inside and outside of sessions, aimed at reducing or eliminating symptoms. Psychotherapy is a process: there can be breakthroughs that bring a great deal of relief in a short period, and therapy often unfolds over the course of several sessions.

Common questions

How will I know if it is working?

I encourage clients to use a 1–10 scale, noting how good they feel emotionally (1 being very poor, 10 being blissful) at the start of treatment and periodically as it progresses, to gauge whether the overall trend is positive. There may be times when you feel worse; this is normal, but the overall trend should be upward.

How long will I need to attend?

Everyone works on different issues, so timeframes differ. It may take as little as a few weeks or longer. Once goals are set at the start, you will have a better idea of how long reaching them will take. Speed and effectiveness depend greatly on how willing you are to work on your goals between sessions.

How often do I need to attend?

Typically weekly. Weekly sessions give you time to process what we worked on, without so much time passing that the next session becomes a catch-up rather than therapeutic work.

What can I expect from treatment?

After working through your goals, you should expect symptom reduction or elimination, a much higher place on that 1–10 scale than when you began, and commonly a sense of freedom and empowerment.

Where and when does therapy take place?

Sessions take place at my private office in Ventura at a mutually agreed time, or by secure video conferencing anywhere in California.

What is the difference between a therapist and a psychiatrist?

A psychotherapist uses talk therapy to help you work through issues, for example by teaching new coping methods or communication techniques. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who can prescribe medication.

Does needing therapy mean I am weak or crazy?

No. It is impossible to go through life without a single physical ailment, and the same is true for mental and emotional health: there will be times when you feel under the weather emotionally. That is natural and normal, and you do not need to keep suffering through it. Psychotherapy can help.

What it means to process your emotions

“Processing emotions” means actively experiencing, understanding, and working through your emotional reactions instead of avoiding, suppressing, or immediately acting on them. A simple way to think about it:

1. Notice the emotion
   • “I’m feeling anxious.”
   • “I’m angry.”
   • “I’m hurt.”
2. Allow it to exist
   • Rather than pushing it away or judging yourself for feeling it.
   • “It’s okay that I’m upset.”
3. Understand where it’s coming from
   • What happened?
   • What need, value, or fear is involved?
   • Example: anger might actually be a response to feeling disrespected.
4. Experience the emotion
   • Let yourself feel it in your body.
   • Cry, journal, talk to someone, sit with the sensation, or reflect on it.
5. Integrate it
   • Decide what you learned and what action, if any, you want to take.
   • Maybe you set a boundary, have a conversation, or simply accept what happened.

An example

• Not processing: Your friend cancels plans. You tell yourself “Whatever, I don’t care,” distract yourself with social media, and remain irritated for days.
• Processing: You notice you’re disappointed and maybe feel unimportant. You reflect on why it stings, acknowledge the feeling, and perhaps communicate with your friend or let the feeling pass naturally.

Many people think processing means “analyzing” emotions, but analysis is only part of it. Someone can spend hours thinking about their feelings without actually feeling them. Processing usually involves both understanding and emotional experience.

A useful question to ask yourself is: “Am I moving through this emotion, or am I trying to get away from it?” The first is usually processing. The second is usually avoiding.